Dum-Dums for Dummies
by SmileandWaveBoys
Summary: "Sucking too hard on your lollipop, oh, love's gonna get you down." Jace Lightwood, however, makes those words seem a lot more real to Clary as she experiences what happens when you tease a very horny teenage boy. Jace/Clary AU. Rated T/M.


**A/N: Wow, I normally don't write Jace/Clary all that much, but I have this really strange fetish to keep doing it for some reason. Anyways, this is a little...steamy-ish. Borderlining almost to M, to be honest. Don't read if this makes you uncomfortable.**

 **And yes, yes, I know what you're thinking for all those who've read my stories before: why is food always foreplay? Trust me people I have no clue. I feel like the only thing that's seductive anymore is candy, so that would explain it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments characters at all.**

Clary felt her heart clench as she took in the flavor lollipop she had grabbed out of her candy box that afternoon on a Saturday – it had been a mystery dum dum. She felt almost distraught, in fact. Though she knew she was more than likely to be overreacting about the flavor _lollipop_ she had gotten. Simon would have been disappointed. Or amused. And she could always just reach in and grab another one. But that would require actual work in turning the jar open.

And that just wouldn't do. But _cherry_? That shit tasted like children medicine and Gatorade. She'd suppose she'd have to deal.

Just as she was considering not taking a lollipop at all, the door burst open and Simon scattered into the kitchen. As in literally _scattered_. As she jumped, startled, at the limp body that was Simon's, she realized from the terrified face he made he was running from something. This, temporarily, made her forget about her sweets issue. "What the hell Simon?!" she shrieked, still gripping her lollipop fearfully from the aftermath of her best friend's abrupt falling.

He scrambled to his feet, brushing off imaginary dust and adjusting his shirt that had risen and showed off his pale flat stomach. "Don't worry! I'm not hurt," he said reassuringly, glancing backwards with an uneasy look on his face as if he wasn't too reassured himself.

"Not you," she snorted, finally her heart reaching down to a steady beat unlike before, "These are new tiles. No need to crush them with your dead weight."

Simon smirked, lifting up his arms to show her his non-existent muscles that were jelly worms and flexed them. "The only thing that I weigh are benches, darling, when I work out." He kissed his muscles two times per flab as he winked at her. "Meet my two babes Emma and Cassie. Now don't tell the other girls, but," he now lowered his voice to a whisper mockingly, "I'm pretty much attached to them."

"So punny," she noted, rolling her eyes but smiling nonetheless. "But why'd you name your muscles after girl names? Shouldn't they be boys?"

He frowned. "Now that's sexist. Apologize to them." He spoke so seriously, Clary wanted to punch him. He noticed what was in her hand right then before he gasped, his hand covering his mouth as if he were highly offended. Then, he whined, "Why don't you ever give me a lollipop?"

"'Cause you don't pay four dollars a pack," she said, shrugging. "Hey, who were you running away from? Surely it can't be the other girls that are jealous of your boobless muscles."

"Don't talk about my muscles that way. They have huge tits." _What even is this conversation?_ Simon's eyes widened as he seemingly remembered his fate right then before cursing quite audibly, and it only increased successively when a louder voice rumbled through the house, making both of them jump from the intensity.

"Lewis, you stupid female bitch! I know you're here, you little ass-faced shit." The voice was a man's definitely and very...familiar, though she couldn't really place it. From next to her, Simon let out a shorthanded girlish scream, making her snort in laughter. The voice clearly heard Simon, and she knew this because of the footsteps that headed their way shortly after, coming out in heavily angry stomps.

From beside her, Simon grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a look so pleading, she wanted to melt into a puddle right before him. "Please, Clarissa Fray – " you absolutely _knew_ he meant no joke when he called her by her full legal name, " – if you cared about me in any life or afterlife at all, if you ever dared to call me your best friend slash soul mate, then – "

"I don't recall ever calling you my soul mate," she interjected while smirking cockily at him. She knew her friend was big-time in trouble right then, and for why, she didn't know, but if she could get Simon of all people to bow down on his knees for her, then she must be doing something right in her life.

"Not out loud, of course," he continued hastily as if he was scared he would run out of time before the monster would catch him. "But _please_ that's freaking Jace out there to get me, and I'm about to crap with constipation so hard in my pants, that people in the world with no toilets are gonna envy me – "

"Wait, who now?" she asked, caught off guard, and like a jet stream of a garden hose, it hit her and the puzzle pieces seemed to fit in together. "Jace...as in Jace Lightwood? What's he want with you?"

"What the fuck other Jace do you know, woman?" he shrieked as they both heard the footsteps gaining momentum and louder and louder and – "Okay, okay, _please Clary_ in all things short, he caught me going second base with his sister, Isabelle, you know the kind where I was, like, in between her legs and sucking the life out of – "

"Wow, _okay_ , thanks for the vivid description," she cut in with a sharp grimace that summed up all her new feelings for the conversation. He muttered something similar to 'well, you asked' and technically, she did, but she realized she didn't have time to argue about what she asked for and what she didn't when she figured her best friend was gonna have his head massacred in three different ways provided by yours truly, Jace Lightwood only. "Come with me," she ordered him hastily as she heard the footsteps so deafeningly loud that she was surprised Jace hadn't come in yet.

Simon padded swiftly after her, grateful for the temporary shelter she was providing him, and when she gestured hastily towards under her bed, he immediately agreed with no resent. "Just talk him out into leaving; convince him I'm not here."

"No effin' way," she drawled sarcastically before running away from him as soon as he disappeared under her bed and ran back to the kitchen just in time to see Jace Lightwood storm into the room, his face red from running outside and hair tousled from the wind. His eyes glittered in rage as he took in the sight of Clary.

"Where is he?" he demanded, panting only slightly unlike Simon who collapsed on the floor from the run as he did. But though Clary knew Jace wasn't a force to be reckoned with, she still took pleasure in him being hot and bothered...in a completely not dirty way, that is. And it wasn't particularly that she liked this guy at all – but she couldn't deny the fact that there was some serious unexplained sexual tension between the two, despite the fact she didn't know if Jace noticed it too.

Okay...so maybe she did like him like that. But it wasn't as if she was expecting much from it anyway. He was sort of a man-whore and only thought with his dick. And she felt she knew better than to let herself fall for one of those, but she clearly didn't.

"Where's who?" Obviously she was playing the dumb-girl card. She knew Simon owed her big time for such actions. "And what gives you the right to enter my house unannounced? I could report you for this."

"That's sweet, girly, but no one asked you for your damn opinion," he snapped, snorting his nose so hard she swore she saw fire, but that also could be from the heat of his cheeks at the moment. "I saw that slut God created with a penis run in here, and I even heard him scream a little."

"Hmm?" she asked, pretending to seem naive and confused. "No, I was the one who screamed." Simon owed her _big_ time. A whole pouch of lollipops, in fact. Two of them so far, for each lie she told. Soon, she wouldn't have to bother picking out the wrong flavor no longer.

Jace stared at her, contemplating this for a while before snorting. "No way. Simon's shriek was _way_ too girly to be yours."

She raised her eyebrows at this. "Are you implying that I have a manly voice, Lightwood? Because I can assure you I do not." She unwrapped her lollipop from her stick after she had wrapped it again when Simon had fell into her kitchen, and she watched him with annoyance.

"Voice, maybe not, but figure definitely," though even she caught the hesitancy in his words as his predatory gaze roamed up and down her body. _Did he just gulp?_ "I'm trying to catch Lewis because I caught him, I kid you not, eating out my sister! There are things a teenage boy can't unsee, and that definitely hits the top...five."

 _Then what the fuck are one, two, three, and four?_ Clary pretended to seem shocked by the news, but she could tell he didn't quite fall for it as she'd hoped he would. "He was seriously doing...that to Isabelle? Oh, that's disgusting!"

He watched her as she bald-faced lied to him before grunting. "Dammit, you already knew that. Stop doing that. Now tell me where that twat is hiding, so I can kick his testicles so hard he finds himself to literally be a pussy."

She frowned at him again. "Wow. Chill, they're just teenagers, it's not like Simon duct-taped Isabelle's boobs to the wall and decided to role play some hardcore fifty shades of fucked up," she rationalized, though it only made Jace's golden eyes widen into astonishment at her indifferent words. "I can literally feel the pent-up anger radiating off you."

Again with the strange look on his face as he stared at her. "No, you really can't." Though she didn't quite understand what he had meant by that. Nevertheless, she shrugged before pushing her lollipop past her lips and rolling her tongue over the cherry sweet. Although she had complained before about picking out the wrong flavor, she couldn't help but be impressed by the outcome, but that was understandable – when was the last time she had a cherry-flavored lollipop, again?

Clary hadn't realized how silent it had gotten between them until she noticed the sucking and clacking noise she made as her lips and teeth made contact with her candy. It was then she noticed Jace's gaze on her, instead of being uncontrollable over her body like it had been when he had called her a man, it was centered on her lips as they moved against her lollipop. "Whahh?" she asked, before grunting when she realized she still had the candy in her mouth and she sounded ridiculous. She inwardly wondered why his eyes looked that intense as he stared at her as her candy entered, swirled once around, before exiting and the process repeated. "Want one?" she asked, gesturing to the jar of lollipops on the counter next to her.

He shook his head, as if he was in a sudden daze. His gaze was still focused on her lips and the candy. "No. It might cut in with my exercise." Wow. Had she just been indirectly called fat right there? He ought to be ashamed of himself. And girls said he had charm when he spoke to her the way he did?

Nevertheless, she kept sucking insistently anyway, not letting his words interrupt her from her sugar time. "If thy insists," she sighed out. "But seriously, you shouldn't give Simon such a hard time about being with your sister. First off, you always play around with girls – "

"That's because I don't care about them," he said, half-induced as if he weren't fully paying attention. There was a hidden meaning behind his words, like he was trying to make her understand something, but how could she, if all he was staring at was her cherry lollipop? _Gosh, he might really be secretly craving a lollipop right now if he's staring so beastly at mine._

"Exactly, not in the way Simon cares about Isabelle because he really does," she explained patiently, trying to divert his thoughts away from his anger. "If you did like girls, then all hell would break loose."

He raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "You callin' me gay or something? 'Cause I can assure you in many different ways that I'm not." From that statement, Clary all of a sudden felt herself grow quite uncomfortable. It was definitely a change in events for sure. And the way he was still looking at her only made things worse (or better, she really wasn't sure).

"What type of ways?" she asked throatily before clearing it, playing it off as the only thing that affected her voice raising an octave was just because of the stickiness of the candy. She leaned against the counter as a source of something to hold on to.

His eyes glittered with something, she was sure of it, and he grinned with malice. "I could show you if you'd like," he offered suggestively, gaze intensifying. Clary didn't quite miss the ever so slight huskiness he used in his words, but she pretended not to notice. He was getting quite off hand, she realized; sure, he flirted with her, but he certainly never shot her that look before, or she surely would have noticed it. _I think so at least,_ she thought _._

"No thanks. I'd rather not get new breeds of sexual diseases, thank you very much," she said smoothly, shrugging it off. His smirk only grew, letting his pearly white teeth shine through the cracks of his lips. _Seriously, he's like the stereotypical All-American white boy._ He had stupidly golden hair, matching his eyes like stark flames of menace. She found him that evil to begin with.

However, he snapped like a goldfish snapping that smile back, but suddenly distraught. "Could you stop?" he groaned, gritting his teeth as he spoke. _Good Grace, what did the Lord ever do to you?_ She pursed her lips in annoyance.

"Stop what? I didn't do anything," she defended sourly, her words dripping in irritation and exhaustion. She really wished he'd pack up his arrogance and leave already, but at the same time, she really didn't. Her body felt like a fusion under his gaze, and she strangely wanted more. He stifled another groaned from in front of her. "What?" She asked again.

" _Clary_ ," Jace spat out, abruptly angry. His fists were clenched in fists on his sides, and she wanted to pat his hair down like a dog because he looked like he needed some serious comforting right then. "I am no kidding _restraining myself right now_. You've gotta _stop_." Clary blinked once, taking in his vexed face before letting her frown morph into a widely-ranged smirk.

Suddenly getting his game, she rolled her tongue in swirls once again around her candy before releasing the tip from her lips and going back in for another taste. She watched in satisfaction as his breath hitched from the sight before he sighed out involuntarily and hesitatingly. She was very aware of the sucking and gulping noise she 'subtly' made purposely, and judging from his darkened understanding, he did too, and very much so. Then, she gasped as she noticed something astoundingly strange. "Woah. What the heck is _that_?"

The big bastard didn't even have to look down at his pants to realize she was talking about his rock-hard boner before smirking bitterly. "That would be my interest for your lollipop, my dear. Let's just say I'm having quite the thoughts for it right now."

Clary almost chocked on her own cherry-induced spit, that's how confused-slash-fidgety she was right then. "I already offered you one from the jar," she recalled, her voice getting throaty again; like before, she blamed it on her chocking. _Simon,_ she reminded herself consistently, _must get rid of Jace for Simon. Because Simon is your best friend. Jace, on the other hand, doesn't even remotely like you._ Though she was seriously beginning to doubt that little part now – his raging erection only proving so further.

"I wasn't talking about that type of lollipop," he said bluntly, finally lifting his eyes to meet hers after about a long while of focusing on her lips. Although he spoke with confidence, she could have sworn she caught his hand twitch and his voice tremble just a small decibel almost as if he was caught off guard and...nervous. She, however, barely focused on that fact, and felt herself chocking again, but she'd been in enough trouble right then to know that it was because of him and nothing else.

She was screwed, indefinitely, and now he looked like he was about to screw her.

She hadn't even realized she'd finished sucking her lollipop to the very smallest of the smallest, and she wondered, _how many licks does it really take to finish a lollipop?_ She could have found out too, if she'd been actually paying attention to her sweet, and not the man-candy right in front of her (no pun intended). Jace groaned again; he seemed to be doing that a lot around her lately. Hell, he'd get her on type two diabetes just because she'd been trying to impress him with her amazing lollipop eating skills. "I can't believe you sucked it _all –_ " he gasped audibly, though his words came out in harsh whispers, "Good Lord, you drive me crazy, you've always had."

She tensed at this. "What?"

"Why the _hell_ are you _still_ sucking?" he yelled – and literally, too. She stepped back and made a calm-down motion, feeling her pulse start to accelerate and her stomach start to flutter strangely. _Dammit,_ she cursed mentally, _Feelings, I command you, shove the fuck off!_ It didn't help. "Drink water or something, just stop!"

Feeling self-conscious and creeped out by his newly found actions, she stepped back again before gulping down some refreshing water in a glass behind her on the counter. After doing so, she quickly wiped away her water-stache before snapping at him: "You happy now?"

"Not," he muttered dangerously, staring at her throat as it flexed as she had gulped the water down; good Lord, help these horny teenage boys, she sent a prayer out to God right then. "The. Least. Bit." Whatever happened after that, Clary felt it like a mob massacre, and she wanted to scream, but she couldn't find the words to spill it out. For one thing, his deliciously smooth lips molded roughly against her sweet sugary ones, and it was precisely then that she felt it.

No, she wasn't talking about her feelings, though that pretty much exploded like putting a steel fork in a microwave once purposely (yes, she'd actually done that once). But she felt _it._ Jace's mini friend – but at the stage it was in right now, it was definitely _not_ so mini. She felt her heart clench in an overwhelming sea of pleasure and found herself gripping tightly against the blonde boy, pressing her body and all of her flush against him.

"Fuck, _Clary_ ," Jace mumbled distressingly against her mouth, rummaging his tongue sharply past her lips and forcing her to comply with his wishes. "You, of all people, should know better than to tease me like _that_." And it only took a few give-or-take moments for her to realize he was still talking about the lollipop, or rather, _hers_. His flexible but coiled with tension hands that were previously resting on her cheeks, floated passionately down her back, lingering a little on her butt before releasing another groan, and bending his knees even lower to lift the backs of her knees up and around his waist, moaning at the contact. "Especially when you already know you have my attention – anywhere, anyplace, all the time."

Now she was sure he was just scrambling with his words. But something about the way he was holding her – that although his movements were rough, impatient, inconsistent, sloppy, and not at all organized in any manner due to sudden rage of passion and need, the way he kissed her solemnly and gripped her tenderly, letting his real feelings seep through the broken lust – allowed her to be more than entranced by him. And somehow, she had a strange feeling that though he was 2015's latest model of the biggest man-slut to have existed, she noticed the way he'd look at her from time to time; not just involving the recent-not-so-recent lollipop incident. He was just as needy of her as she was of him.

Jace's lips left her mouth, leaving hers to instantly dry and cool unpleasantly, but there was no way she could have missed the way his lips and teeth left trailing tendrils of fire in their wake as they traced the seams of her skin. And once she accidentally let out a moan, he growled, his breath warming up her skin and reflecting the heat against her skin, and it was accurately then she realized she was about done for.

At least, not until his hips thrust forward against hers, and she realized this guy was very upfront and forward about how he felt. Normally, she'd feel disgusted and outraged if someone had done what he'd just done to her, but...this was _Jace_. He was the absolute bane of her existence, and though she wrote down notes in her binder during class about the different types of ways to kill him, she couldn't help but think of the possibilities as well. She was getting extremely satisfying results, she had to express.

Jace let out an not-so-comprehensible sound before grunting and storming off blindly to her bedroom and dropping her on her bed. He proceeded then by taking his shirt off, exposing Clary to his broad but equally coiled muscled chest and stomach, making her blush more scarlet than her hair, and he took over her body once again, fitting his body on hers as he carefully laid on top of her, his lips morphing against hers finally once more. It was a mix of both passion and heat and something else both of them were too afraid to voice out loud, though their actions were exceedingly spelling it out for them what they meant to each other.

Then, abruptly, Jace pulled back. "Clary," he said desperately when she tried to bring his lips back to hers in sorrow protest. "You've gotta tell me right now. Are-are you a virgin?" He stuttered as he spoke, as if the effects still managed to catch hold of him gutterly, and he inhaled sharply when she reluctantly shook her head, telling him that no, she wasn't a virgin. She'd lost it to someone who didn't matter whatsoever in her life, not compared to Jace at least, and she didn't think she could even formulate a picture in her head of another meaningless boy that was Jace at the moment. It couldn't be physically or mentally possible.

"Y-you aren't?" A dark jealousy flashed across his eyes, making his eyebrows furrow in frustration before he barked, "Well, who's dick was it? I'll chop that microscopic centipede right – " Clary cut him off right then by flipping them over (it was rather hard, she reflected, him being heavy and her being abnormally petite) and squaring her mouth on penetratingly, snapping her head back for a split second various times so she could slightly see a reaction that slowly began to glaze over from him before vicing him back in for more. "Fine," he mumbled incoherently, before releasing a moan that was induced because of her ministrations, "I'll barbecue that bitch another time, I swear to you."

A few moments or minutes (she wasn't particularly counting, of course) passed before Jace eventually got restless under her kisses and decidingly flipped them over like a burger patty. _Great,_ she thought dazedly, _even during sex, I'm still thinking about food._ Which almost caused her to stiffen. Were they even going to have sex right then?

Jace, however, clearly didn't even consider that she was even considering such options when he grabbed her breasts and molded them against his hands, moaning in her mouth. In return, shoving all doubts aside because _honestly, this was Jace Lightwood_ , she lifted her hips to meet his relentless thrusts, and they both lied there, together, moving in awe as they loved each other passionately, despite the fact they still had clothes on (well, she still did, anyway).

She could feel Jace almost lift off of her as she could have sworn he would say, 'are you sure about this?' and she knew so because she could almost hear him whispering the very words against her, when Clary heard _him._ Of all times, the stupid boy picked now?! Though in the boy's defense, he was probably just as clueless as ever, considering especially that Clary had completely one hundred percent forgotten that he was under her bed in the first place.

So, as she watched Jace's face morph into one of absolute confusion mixed with mild irritation, she smirked as Simon's voice rang through the room, loud but slightly muffled coming from under her bed: "Uh, you didn't exactly kick Jace out of the house, did you, Clary?"

 _Wow,_ she thought, _talk about accidentally listening in on porn._

Needless to say, Jace hid all of her lollipops from that day onwards (though she still had a secret stash of them in her drawer, and she knew he noticed too, one day, but he sure as hell didn't particularly say anything against it).

FIN.


End file.
